Don't Judge This Book
by pervypippinluver
Summary: Kristin, your average fan of fanfiction, gets sucked into her computer, into a story, and into the presense of her favorite elf. Her goal? Hell, soak it up!! Yes, another "transported to M.E." story. Read anyway?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: same as everyone else's- I don't own anyone or anything related to Tolkien and his work. Other than that, the rest of the shit is mine. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter One: The Initial Meeting  
  
It was 12:00 in the morning and Kristin was sitting contently in front of her computer. Every night, after work, she would come home and sit for 5 or more hours reading fan fictions about her favorite elf. Legolas Greenleaf. The sexiest creature that never existed. She would get so enveloped in her stories that she would often times forget what time is was and read until dawn. And tonight's story seemed to be especially good. Legolas had just slain a few orcs and was on his way back to his home in Mirkwood.  
  
Just then the computer screen began to fade in and out making the story very hard to read. Kristin hit the monitor a few times to try and get it in focus but that only seemed to make it worse. All of the sudden a bright light flashed before her eyes. Kris felt as if she was being sucked into it and before she knew it the light faded and she was sitting high atop a tall oak tree, a sharp limb jabbing into her side.  
  
Startled by the feeling, she jumped slightly, causing her to fall from the tree. She landed with a hard thud on the forest floor. Wincing, she stood and rubbed her butt, which should have been broken by the fall. No sooner had she gotten to her feet, than another sharp object planted itself into her side. This time it was not a twig. It was an arrow.  
  
Kristin tried to turn her head to see whom her attacker was but was instead greeted with another sharp jab of the arrow.  
  
"Do not move", the voice, said, ".are you friend or foe?"  
  
"Well", Kristin replied calmly, considering she was nervous and confused, "It depends on who you are." The attacker must have been confused also, cause he paused for several moments before continuing.  
  
"My name is Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. Now you answer me. Friend or foe?" Kristin couldn't believe her ears.  
  
"No shit." she breathed. Legolas? Her Legolas? She must have passed out from all the flashing lights. There was no way.  
  
"Friend or foe?!?" he asked again impatiently.  
  
"Friend", she eventually answered. He slowly lowered his bow, but kept the arrow at the ready. She turned her head to finally see him and her hazel eyes immediately met his blue ones. She gasped inwardly at the sight. He was even more gorgeous than she had pictured. What he must have though of her, though, was another story. She was clad in a baggy pair of gray sweatpants and one of her brothers old dress shirts (size XXL). Her hair, very short, was still dolled up with gel from her workday and her makeup was still applied, though it may have been a little runny around her eyes. She shifted slightly in her bare feet and smiled at him.  
  
"My name is Kristin." Although he did not smile back his eyes did soften a bit and his shoulders relaxed. He lowered his bow completely, realizing that she was no threat to him. He began to look her over. Her appearance was somewhat unusual and not of any race he had ever come across in his almost 3,000 years of existence. She was short and almost hobbit like in physique. He began to wonder if she was of any relation to the halflings. Her hair was extremely short as well, but seemed to suit her. Her close were appalling and obviously way to big for her. And it was then that he noticed her shoeless feet.  
  
"You'll catch your death of cold out here like that", he nodded to her feet, "Come with me and I'll get you some real clothes." Turning, he began to head for home and Kristin followed suit. She couldn't believe her luck.  
  
Before she knew it, the forest began to thin out and a beautiful sight lay before her eyes. Elves, hundreds of them, walking the forest floors of what had to be Mirkwood. They were so beautiful and so ethereal; they almost made Kristin feel ashamed of her "ugliness". Following Legolas, Kristin was led into the castle (if that's what you want to call this amazingly gorgeous abode) and up a set of stairs. At the end of the stairs was a hallway, and at the end of the hallway was a set of double doors. They arrived at the doors and Legolas turned abruptly causing Kristin to run into him, nose to chest. Grabbing her shoulders he pushed her back arm length and smiled.  
  
"I'll need you to stay in here until I find a handmaiden to attend to you. I guarantee you'll be warmer here than out there." He let go of her shoulders and pushed the doors open into the most beautiful room she had ever seen. The colors seemed to fade from champagne to green and the walls were covered in sheets of sheer material. There were no lamps or electric lights, but candles instead, set in golden candle bras. The bed was four- posted with champagne colored sheets. It was a truly breathtaking sight. As soon as Legolas closed the door behind her she broke into a fit of giggles. This was truly amazing. 


	2. Underneath Your Clothes

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! Please keep them coming! I also wanted to let you know that I'm writing this story for all who are interested in reading it. Therefore, if there is anything you want to see, please let me know so I can incorporate it into the story. I'm already getting a bit of writer's block. Well, enjoy!  
  
  
  
Chapter Two: Underneath Your Clothes  
  
Kristin took in her surroundings. This place was ultimately surreal. She made her way to the bed and slowly lowered herself onto it, wincing slightly when the pain from her fall suddenly came back to her. Pulling her sweatpants down slightly she observed the bluish/gray bruise which was slowly forming on her posterior. It was absolutely hideous.  
  
"No more bathing suits for awhile," she said to herself. Deciding not to sit down at that moment she walked to the balcony on the northern end of the room. The view was completely spectacular. She could see the borders of Mirkwood and the river that flowed through it. The birds were chirping harmoniously and the falling sun caused a red glow to spread over the horizon. Just when she thought she was going to melt into the sky she heard a rapping on the door. Running in to answer it she observed a younger she-elf standing before her. She was a good deal taller than Kristin and probably a few pounds lighter as well with skin that seemed to glow from the inside out. Her brown hair flowed almost all the way down her back and was tied back with a simple silver clip. She was exquisite. Smiling, Kristin invited her in and shut the door.  
  
"My name is Calenia," spoke the young elf, her voice as light as air. "I've been sent to you by Prince Legolas as your handmaiden. I was told you needed tending to." Kristin laughed. She had never had anyone "attend" to her before.  
  
"Attend to me for what? Am I going somewhere?" she asked amused.  
  
"Prince Legolas has requested you presense at the dinner tonight. And from what I can see, you could use a good cleaning."  
  
Trying not to seem offended, Kristin looked down at what she was wearing and shrugged.  
  
"I wasn't really planning on coming here, so I didn't pack anything else" she stated looking at Calenia for suggestions. It was then that Calenia held up a dress so sleek and sheer that it seemed almost transparent. There was no way that Kristin was going to squeeze herself into that and be seen in public. After all, she was used to wearing slacks and business shirts for 'dress up'.  
  
"No way sweetheart. Think again. I am not wearing that lingerie in public. Besides, it's a little too small for me. That looks like a size 6. I wear almost a 10."  
  
Calenia just smiled and led Kristin to the adjoining bathroom. Shutting the curtain to the bedroom she turned and watched as Kristin slowly began to undress. Feeling a little self-conscious, Kristin walked till she was behind the oversized bathtub and finished undressing. She stepped into the tub and felt the warm water tingle over her body like a thousand needles prying into her skin. Calenia began to wash her and noticed her unsightly bruise.  
  
"How did that come about?" she asked as she continued to scrub Kristin's back.  
  
"Oh, you know. The usual; girl lands in tree, girl falls out of tree. Unfortunately, I happened to be that girl." She winced as Calenia gently rubbed the bruise. Soon the pain was gone and she felt as if she could sit normally again. Looking behind her she noticed that the ugly discoloration had faded. She looked in awe at Calenia who just gave her a knowing smirk. She finished her bath and slowly dried herself off. Something about this elvish water made her skin feel so soft and she could swear she thought she saw a glow when she glanced in the mirror. Then Calenia handed her the dress.  
  
"I told you I can't wear that" protested Kristin as she pushed the dress away, but Calenia insisted.  
  
"Please" she begged. "I promised the Prince that I would make you presentable, and this dress will look lovely on you." Hesitating, Kristin finally took the dress and slipped it on. The fabric was so light and felt as if she were practically wearing nothing. When she looked into the mirror she saw something she had never seen before. She had breasts and a waist! She was still quite a bit larger than Calenia but she looked good. She had a figure with lovely curves. She smiled and began to admire her profile. Calenia was right. The dress did look nice. Soon there was another knock on the door and a male elf, also as exquisite as Calenia, announced that dinner was now ready to be served. Running her fingers through her hair, Kristin quickly followed Calenia and the male elf down the hall. 


	3. The Dance

Chapter Three: The Dance  
  
The Great Hall was magnificent. It was tall and deep with drapes of wine and green caressing the walls. Giant pillars mirrored each other all the down the Hall and bordered what seemed like hundreds of tables lined up to form a squared off U shape. In the middle was a dance floor with a band of musicians in the back behind the tables. Standing near the back was Legolas looking as radiant as ever in his silver tunic.  
  
Hearing the door open he turned to see Calenia along with another figure walk into the Hall. Making his way in their direction he began to notice and recognize the face of the strange figure as being the girl he had picked up earlier that afternoon. But for some reason she looked different. She was beautiful. Though her face adorned no make-up, she still managed to pull across that glowing look and the dress she wore accentuated her curves, stirring something deep inside of him. Most elven ladies did not have such voluptuous figures and it made him yearn to see what she was hiding underneath that dress.  
  
"Good evening m'lady" Legolas greeted Kristin with a smile. "You look radiant."  
  
"As do you", Kristin smiled back. Legolas reached his hand out to hers and led her down to the head of the the tables where his father sat.  
  
"Father, this is Kristin. I met her this afternoon. I guess you could say she fell on me."  
  
Thranduil looked her over wearily then finally spoke. "You're hair is so incredibly short. Where exactly are you from? Are you of Hobbit descent?"  
  
"No, actually I'm from Los Angeles", she stated with a smirk. Both Legolas and Thranduil looked at her with confused eyes.  
  
"Never mind", she smiled, "Just think of it as a distant land."  
  
"Pleased to meet you Kristin", Thranduil acknowledged, "Please, sit. Have dinner with us." He stilled seemed a little uneasy, but continued to be a good host as the dinner was served. Everything went well and the dinner was delicious.  
  
"Better than anything you'll find at McDonald's" she whispered to herself as she pushed her plate away from her.  
  
"McDonald. Does he rule your distant land?" Legolas asked. Kristin thought about it then realized he may not be too far from the truth.  
  
"Yeah, you could say that" she laughed. "He rules the food industry at least."  
  
Soon celtic-type music began to fill the room and many of the elves surrounding her began to rise together and dance. Legolas offered his hand.  
  
"Care to dance?" he asked with hope in his eyes. Kristin eyed the other dancers and shook her head.  
  
"I can't dance like that. I'll hurt myself."  
  
"Please? I would be honored if you'd accompany me." His eyes were begging but Kristin still declined.  
  
"You don't understand. This white girl can't dance. I have absolutely no coordination. I look like a cow trudging though peanut butter."  
  
Legolas just laughed. "If you continue to turn me down I'll be forced to lift you up and carry you out there. Now, will you dance with me?"  
  
Still having doubts, and secretly wanting to know what it would be liked to be carried by this sexier than life elf prince, she declined once more. Before she knew it she was lifted completely off her feet and carried to the center of the room on his shoulders.  
  
"Ugh" she laughed as he put her down. She couldn't help feeling like a cave woman. The music began to die down and soon it was slow enough to dance cheek to cheek, or in their case, cheek to chest. Legolas slowly draped his arms around her waist, careful not to move to fast incase she didn't approve. But when she lightly pressed herself against him he caved in and pulled her close. Sighing, Kristin gently swayed with him to the music. Now this was her kind of dancing. Pulling back slightly she looked him in the eyes.  
  
"Why are you being so nice to me? You've only known me for a few hours. Are you always this friendly?"  
  
Legolas locked eyes with hers and answered simply, "You fascinate me." And with that he kissed her forehead and continued to sway slowly to the music. 


	4. Kissing a Fool

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. I feel so loved! Ok, I'm getting to the more romantic stuff and this is where I become a writing virgin. Like I said earlier, if there is anything you want to see please let me know! Thank again and enjoy!  
  
Chapter Four: Kissing a Fool (a.k.a. The Truth Comes Out)  
  
"I fascinate him", Kristin thought to herself as she slipped the dress off her shoulders and climbed into bed. She had never slept in the nude before, but it seemed that Calenia had thrown her old shirt and sweatpants away while she was bathing. Kristin snuggled under the covers and was well on her way to dreamland when she heard a rapping at her door. She sighed and slowly rose from the bed, taking the sheets with her for cover-up. Answering the door she was surprised to see Legolas standing before her with what looked like a bottle of wine.  
  
"Don't you sleep?" Kristin asked, knowing it had to be going on 11:00 or 12:00 at night.  
  
"Elves do not sleep", Legolas smiled inviting himself into the room. Kristin closed the door behind him.  
  
"Then why do you have beds?" she asked puzzled.  
  
"For other reasons." Legolas grinned. He then blushed once he saw the realization flow across Kristin's face.  
  
"Ohhhh..", she smiled. Then she too began to blush just thinking about it. Changing the subject Legolas handed her the wine bottle.  
  
"I thought you might like to talk. Get to know each other better."  
  
Kristin couldn't help but giggle. No guy had ever been so sweet to her without some silly reason behind it, like wanting a ride to work or looking to borrow some money for a date, with another girl of course. She accepted the bottle and went to her nightstand to retrieve some glasses. As she was pouring the wine she felt a warm presence behind her and realized that Legolas had moved to watch her. Turning, she handed him the glass.  
  
"Oh, I don't drink. I mainly brought it for you." Legolas refused the glass then smiled down at her. Not wanting to drink alone she placed both glasses on tabled and smiled back at him.  
  
"You don't sleep, you don't drink. What exactly do you do?" she asked amused.  
  
"Would you rather me tell you", Legolas moved forward slightly, shrinking the space between them, "or show you?"  
  
Kristin swallowed heavily. Was this really happening? Before she knew it he moved his hands to rest on her hips. Forgetting about everything else, she moved her hands to caress his shoulders accidentally letting the sheet fall from her chest and exposing her front. She reached down quickly to lift it back up but was stopped when Legolas moved his arms, which were holding the sheet up, and let it fall to the floor. Now she was fully exposed and most likely as red as a tomato as well. Realizing that it was too late to cover-up she closed her eyes, waiting for the humiliating laugh or the groan of disgust. Instead she got a groan of approval.  
  
"I've never seen anything so beautiful", he sighed as he returned his hands to her sides. Kristin slowly opened her eyes in time to see him moving forward and pressing his clothed body against her naked one. She sighed at the feeling and breathed in his scent, warm like the sun. Who cares if we only just met? This is fantastic! She felt his hand come up to cup her chin and raised her eyes to his. Soon their lips were touching in a kiss that would make Danielle Steele green with envy. If there were two things that Kristin wasn't all that experienced in it was sex and kissing. And at this rate she would be getting a lesson in both.  
  
Legolas let his hands travel up her back and untied the knot she had made with the sheet. It fell to the floor again and this time Kristin didn't reach down to retrieve it. Her hands mirrored his, traveling over his back and feeling his muscles through his tunic. He pushed his tongue past her lips and searched her mouth as if it held something that he needed in order to survive. She moaned in satisfaction and began slowly sucking on his tongue, tasting a little bit of what seemed to be red wine. The liar. She smiled and continued to let his tongue play tonsil hockey with hers. Not knowing what else to do she reached down between them to massage the hard rise in his pants through the fabric. He moaned loudly and heavily causing vibrations on her tongue. Gyrating his hips in a circular movement he grabbed her butt to push them together, incidentally trapping her hand between them. Then, no sooner had it started then it stopped. They pulled apart, breathing heavily and both realizing that this was wrong. They didn't know each other long enough to go this far. Walking towards the door, Legolas turned and bowed his head.  
  
"Goodnight. Sleep well." And with that he left. Heading to the door Kristin quickly shut it and turned to lean her back against it. A tear slowly krept down her cheek and she lowered her head.  
  
"What a fool I am", she whispered, "He couldn't love me." And with that she went to the bed and cried herself to sleep. 


	5. The Truth Comes Out

A/N: Just to let you all know, there was a reason why I let everything move so quickly in the last chapter, and it will be revealed in this one. I thought about uploading both of these chapters last night incase there was a problem but decided against it. I guess I should've huh? Anyway, here's the explanation to all the hurriedness..  
  
Chapter Five: The Truth Comes Out (I know that's what I called the last chapter.read above)  
  
The night came and went quickly for Kristin and before she knew it, it was dawn. The sun streamed in from her balcony and the birds continued their serenade. Rolling over to shield the light from her eyes, Kristin tried desperately to fall back asleep. The actions from the night before had left her with a bit of insomnia and she couldn't seem to drift off. A knocking at the door gave up all hope of sleep and Kristin got up to answer it. It was Calenia with a pitcher of water and a new dress for her to wear.  
  
"King Thranduil would like to see you this morning. He says he has something very important to tell you." Calenia handed her the pitcher and placed the dress on the bed. With that she turned and left the room, leaving Kristin to clean and dress for the day. She didn't want to go out there. More than likely Legolas would be out there as well and that would make Kristin feel extremely uncomfortable.  
  
"What exactly happened last night?" Kristin asked herself as she washed her face. "What have I done?" She slipped the dress over her head and adjusted it in the mirror. She had grown accustomed to going barefoot for the past day so she was very surprised to see and pair of slippers lying on the bed near her pillow. She slipped them on to a perfect fit and left the room for the Great Hall.  
  
Upon reaching the Hall she realized if was fairly empty except for a throne in the back where King Thranduil was seated, obviously waiting for her arrival. Legolas was no where in site.  
  
"Good morning King Thranduil", Kristin smiled as she bowed before him.  
  
"No need to bow like a servant my child", Thranduil greeted back, "You are a guest in this house. Please, sit down."  
  
Kristin did as she was told and an elvish maiden came and handed her a piece of bread and some wine. Kristin took it gladly for she was extremely hungry and turned to the king.  
  
"I was told you wanted to see me", she stated, then mentally slapped herself when she realized that it was perfectly obvious why she was there. Thranduil just laughed.  
  
"Yes my dear, I wanted to tell you something I felt was very important." He shifted in his seat. "I had noticed you and my son dancing so closely last night. I felt there was something you should know before anything went any further."  
  
"Oh, if you only knew." Kristin thought to herself as she took a sip of her wine. The king continued.  
  
"Long ago my son was in love. She was a beautiful maiden of Lorien who had moved here with her father to be a part of my court. Legolas had fallen deeply in love with her and she with him. They were inseperable. Then one day my son was called to a battle. He told his lady that he would be gone only a month. In truth he was gone more than 5 years. Of course she grew weary of his return and assumed he had died, as did all of us. She moved on and fell in love with another. A servant named Olothain. Of course when Legolas returned he was heart broken to see his love in the arms of another. He was so upset that he felt she and her servant lover should have something in common. He made her into a servant as well. A handmaiden."  
  
"Calenia?" Kristin asked in shock. King Thranduil only nodded in reply.  
  
"So you see Kristin, my son is very vulnerable. I fear that his loneliness has made him a bit eccentric. I do not wish for your heart to be broken over something so simple as a mistake. All I am asking is for you to be careful. He wants to fill that loneliness, but he doesn't want to wait for it to come to him. He seeks it. I fear he has sought you out and I just wish for you to be weary. Don't let him take you in so quickly. Let time pass. If things look good in a year or so than maybe you are the one." Thranduil took Kristin's hand in his and smiled.  
  
Now Kristin knew why everything had gone so quickly the past 24 hours. Legolas was lonely and frightened and found a play toy in her. All this did was piss her off. This handsome prince that she had lusted over was using her so as to keep himself from feeling lonely. That bastard. Forcing a smile, Kristin turned to Thranduil and thanked him for the advice. She knew she had to talk to Calenia and she had to do it before she saw Legolas again. Making her way back to her room she requested Calenia's presence to one of the other servants. She was going to get to the bottom of this and then she was going to find a way to get back home. Kristin was right; no guy was ever that nice to her unless he wanted something in return. She wasn't going to play these games anymore. 


End file.
